Things Left Unspoken

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Difficult people and even more difficult feelings. aka jealousy

first off, difficult people!!! i do not understand why some people just love to make things hard for others. i mean come on!!! people have their own problems as it is without you making the list longer. you have got to cooperate and live by the give and take rules and not just take. or in this case, demand something that will inconvenience other people. think of others for a change why don't you.

if that isn't annoying enough, my jealousy of this other girl has gotten me feeling bad about myself which by the way is the most horrible feeling in the world. as it stands, i already have a low self esteem problem and seeing other people be much more prettier than me and be so natural at it makes me so damn jealous. and i do not even want to be jealous. i wish this thing, this feeling, would just go away.

plus, i don't want to trouble my dad by making him drive all the way to this shopping complex to send me for a movie with my friends but my friends are insisting that we go there because it is closer for that one friend who loves that shopping complex for no apparent reason. even though they know that my dad can't drive properly and my mom is too much of a don not trouble me kid of a person, they still insist on having the outing there. oh how much i hate them for that. i hate the fact that this has happened to me. the fact that my dad can't drive and he was the sporting one who would actually drive us here and there without complaining at all. my mom on the other hand, no disrespect to her or anything but she will always complain of everything. and everything and to convenience her. argh!! don't you just feel annoyed by people like that. but oh well, this is all a testing by god. i need a solution. period. this squabbling will never help.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

The Me Behind the Smile

who am i?
A misontropist
a.k.a. a person who doesnt like to socialize with anyone
then why do i care?
because my supposed best friend has many friends that are tight with her. and all of a sudden i feel like i dont know her. she doesn't act the way she wants to in front of me. like as if there is a restrain in the things she does. why is that so? i dont understand. does she feel uncomfortable with me or is it someting else. as to why i care? its only because she is closer to so many people and she has fun with them and she doesn't act normally in front of me. like she has something to hide or something to prove. its not that she has more friends then i do. i have tons of friends. but the thing is that none of them are close to me. none of them know me. know the true me. but she has got true friends. i suspect that i am jelous of her
should i be jealous?
nope. i am my own unique person and i chosse to be this way. the quiet way and i am the one who chose not to tell anyone my secrets.
what dont i have that she does?
close friends and someone to lean on. someone like a bf .
does this effect my soul?
nah. i dont think so. how can wanting not to share your life and pain with someone have an effect on my soul? right???
what's the point of this post?
i have no idea. i think its supposed to help coz this post is sort of my scape goat and my best freind that i can confide everthing to.
has it helped?
somewhat. i guess everybody does need someone to confide to. and in this case, it is you my dear dear blog that no one reads.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

GOOD LUCK MY DEAR DEAR BROTHER!!

Today, I had to leave my only brother at his new college where he will be boarding for the next two years. I cannot imagine what I am to do without him. He was always the person who would fill my time with useless things like having to take off the dandruff on his head. We indeed had the best of times and the worst of times together and I cannot bring myself to believe that he is not here any longer for the next two weeks and even then he will only be here for two days. It seemed that just yesterday we were the young people who would never have even have dreamed of going to college because it seemed so far away. Indeed time flies away unnoticed and no matter how much we rant about it, time will never stop and neither will it wait for us to catch up with it. It aches my heart to think of growing up and even more of having to send you off to a residential college. Nevertheless, I have come to realize that it will be for his own good that he is sent to a boarding college. I hope he is successful in his life and develops all the habits that will make him a better man in the future. So, I wish you all the best and good luck my dear dear brother.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The King of Pop

Michael Jackson - The King of Pop (1948-2009)

I never knew that Michael Jackson's music was soo good. Until of course he died. Whenever someone mentioned his name, the image formed in my head was of a man who had turned from black to white and had had several nose jobs. At one point, I even believed that his nose was detachable.

But now, I see a man who had a great talent and a man who dared to take a change. A man with a suppressed childhood and a man who cared for the world. His music is surprisingly good and it is no wonder that he was given the well deserved title of the King Of Pop.

Here are a few of his songs:

Thursday, July 2, 2009

HURT

Just when I think that things are not so bad, they take a turn for the worse. That stupid idiot of a shit face said in front of a whole class that I look like a donkey. They all started to laugh and one of them even fell of his chair laughing at me. None of them even denied it. Only one of them said 'don't be so mean'. The person who said don't be so mean is just thoughtful but nevertheless is unwilling to say that I do not look like a donkey because I probably do look like a donkey.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Spoilt

I hate not getting what I want. I want someone to like me but the truth is that no one ever has. I want HIM to think of me as a best friend if not a girlfriend but he only thinks of me as one of his many close friends. It is heartbreaking to realize that you have been abruptly woken up from the most wonderful dream that in truth was too good to be true in the first place. I long to be loved. I doubt that I really like him. It's just that he is always there so I have chosen him to fill the satisfaction of my own lonely and loveless life. I have been spoilt by the television and romance books that tell tales of true love and everlasting marriages. But when I look around me all I seem to see is divorce cases flocking into court rooms like birds that flock away during the winter. Is there such a thing as true love? Even if there isn't, I want it. I want someone to love me, hold me and cherish me the way Romeo did Juliet. The fact that he regards me as his 20th closest friend, and after a string of other girls, should be a slap in the face for me. But I still want him to love me. No. NO, not him. Anybody. Anybody would do. He is just another unlucky person whom I have thrust a shining suit of armour onto. He himself means nothing to me. I feel like such an idiot. And I probably am. But what the heck, I am still young and ignorant. I want to find my true love before I turn 27. That gives me about 12 more years. Wish me luck!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

LOL

This is pretty funny. But it would be heart breaking if it were true. As Jane Austin said 'Life is a comedy to those who think but a tragedy for those who feel'.