The Me Behind the Smile

who am i?
A misontropist
a.k.a. a person who doesnt like to socialize with anyone
then why do i care?
because my supposed best friend has many friends that are tight with her. and all of a sudden i feel like i dont know her. she doesn't act the way she wants to in front of me. like as if there is a restrain in the things she does. why is that so? i dont understand. does she feel uncomfortable with me or is it someting else. as to why i care? its only because she is closer to so many people and she has fun with them and she doesn't act normally in front of me. like she has something to hide or something to prove. its not that she has more friends then i do. i have tons of friends. but the thing is that none of them are close to me. none of them know me. know the true me. but she has got true friends. i suspect that i am jelous of her
should i be jealous?
nope. i am my own unique person and i chosse to be this way. the quiet way and i am the one who chose not to tell anyone my secrets.
what dont i have that she does?
close friends and someone to lean on. someone like a bf .
does this effect my soul?
nah. i dont think so. how can wanting not to share your life and pain with someone have an effect on my soul? right???
what's the point of this post?
i have no idea. i think its supposed to help coz this post is sort of my scape goat and my best freind that i can confide everthing to.
has it helped?
somewhat. i guess everybody does need someone to confide to. and in this case, it is you my dear dear blog that no one reads.